The BJ Guidelines

1. No BJs on an one night stand (or with someone you're hardly acquainted with). I am a firm believer that you need to know someone well before you get all up close and personal with their dick. You need to know them well enough that you're at least aware of their hygiene habits. Are they using the triangle method? Are they trimmed or growing wild? You go down there and find a piece of popcorn chilling in their pubes, what do you do!? You need to know! If all else fails, resort to the Dip & Sniff. If they nasty, get out now. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200. You go back down to that hotel bar and find someone else to make that rent money! Okay!?

2. The dick is in your mouth. You're in control. This is self-explanatory. There is nothing I hate more than a guy directing me like we're on the set of Busty Babes 9: Less Busty But Perky. Don't tell me what to do. I'm experienced. Just sit back and enjoy. Thanks.

3. Cum. Where does it go? Not the hell in, on, or around me that's for sure! I hate it. HATE it. I don't know where I went wrong in my hoe days, but this is the one thing I never enjoyed. Do you swallow? Do you sit back and open your mouth, letting him cum on your face? Are you one of those girls who lets him cum on your chest and then proceeds to massage your tits and lick your lips? Well... kudos to you. You go girl!

4. Deep-throating. When? Solely special occasions. And by special occasions, I'm talking 10 year anniversaries or any event that involves money. A raise, a bonus, a sweepstakes win, a diamond. When else would you want a dick blocking your airway?

5. Hit him with the combo. Do I actually enjoy having a penis in my mouth? No. Hell no. Do I enjoy pleasing my man? Yes. That is what it's all about. But do I want to get it over with as fast as possible? Duh. I always recommend the blowjob/handjob combo. It is very effective and reduces the blowjob duration by 80%. Try it!

These are pretty much all of my guidelines. I hope you've learned something here today!  Now, go out there and suck some dick, ladies! Make me proud!